Monday, April 18, 2016

Summit

This was all very greedy of me and I'm extremely sorry. I made myself eligible for the voting knowing there was a slight chance something like this happened. I wanted to go really badly.

At a tournament yesterday the injured area of my left hand started to burn worse and worse over the course of the day. I had to drop from the tournament. I wasn't kidding when I warned people that I wasn't "back" at all after Pound, as much as everyone wanted me to be. I had gone a long period of time without playing prior to the week of that tournament, which is why I was able to make it through it. But ever since the Monday after Pound, I've been having pain again. Surely enough I overloaded my hand yesterday. It's a good thing I went to the tournament, otherwise this would've happened at Summit.

I think I should start by updating people on my hand problem. I gave people some inaccurate information ~2 months ago. An MRI had come back showing a 1-2mm tear. I was skeptical about this being the problem, but the MRI report said that it was "likely symptomatic." Long story short: it isn't the problem. We still don't know what's wrong with my hand, but I knew it was a lot more complicated than a tear that small. Several parts of the pinky side of my left hand feel severely injured. To be honest, it feels like I have 3 different wrist problems. My ulnar styloid (tip of the arm bone) feels rough and destroyed. My triquetrum (bone in the corner of the hand) burns like hell on the palm side and feels cracked (I know it isn't because I've had x-rays but when I rub on it there's this part I can go over that feels like a crack). And the soft tissue crevice between these two bones is very rough and burns with pain as well.

One thing I want to clarify is that these problems did not gradually develop over time. There was a distinct moment on May 5th, 2014 where I was doing backwards waveshines against a Jigglypuff player in friendlies with my left hand extremely tensed. I felt an explosion (best way to describe it) in my left wrist and had to go out and buy a splint right away (I uploaded a picture of this to Twitter). I could tell that it was no ordinary wrist sprain and that things would never be the same again.

2 years have passed, I've seen at least 10 hand surgeons, and no one knows what the hell is going on. I've had 2 surgeries, both done by the same doctor. The first one was to remove the ball of my wrist which had become arthritic from this injury. But problems persisted, so I had another MRI done and it showed nothing. The same doctor went in for another surgery and said that I looked normal from the inside. The second surgery had no purpose.

For the first time, though, I'm currently seeing a doctor who seems to have some ideas as to what it could be. I'm having an ultrasound done this Thursday in the hopes that it shows something. That's why I can't go to Summit regardless. When I saw him last week, he told me that he had 2 openings for an ultrasound: April 21st and May 5th. I scheduled it for May 5th because I was going to be at Summit this weekend, but I called him this morning and had it rescheduled to the 21st. I have to prioritize fixing my hand. It isn't worth it for me to go to Summit and delay this ultrasound by 2 weeks, as much as I want to.

Now, regarding the Summit.

I feel very guilty about this all - a lot of time/money/resources went towards me, and there was a lot of hype surrounding it. I will be doing my best to undo any damage this may have caused:

First and foremost, I'm sorry. I think letting people know that is pretty important.

I'm also sorry to Otto; he was supposed to team with me.

I'm working on having my flight cancelled.

I am unsure about who the replacement player will be. I would imagine it's going to be Duck but I'm not the one in charge so I'm not going to make any official statements.

I've spoken to Germ and he will be replacing me with the 16th player on the Summit 2 poster he drew. Those posters haven't shipped yet, luckily.

And perhaps most importantly, for the people who paid money so that they could give more votes to me, I am going to do my best to give back. I will be doing set critique for the first 20 people who message me. Here's how I will do this:

From what I know, there is no "receipt" to show that you voted for me during the final voting process. So I guess the Tweet showing that you nominated me will have to do. If you could please send me a screenshot of this tweet, as well as a screenshot of a receipt showing that you purchased something to give me votes, plus a set you'd like critiqued, I'll watch through it and critique it for you.

-

I guess this means I'm retired again. I'll be honest at this point, there's a chance I never make a full return. My left hand feels ruined beyond belief. In the past few months I tried my best to rest a lot so that I could attend a few tournaments but it eventually caught up to me. I wouldn't be surprised if I need a prosthesis or something to play full-time again, because actual bones feel injured. That being said, if there's a fix out there I'll do it. Smash aside, my hand is in constant pain even when I perform everyday tasks. I just hope I can get to the bottom of this soon. Please don't hesitate to message me about having your set critiqued.

41 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Thanks for sharing. Wishing you a speedy recovery man. Melee is enriched when you are around, and I hope that if it's not as a player, that you will always be able to be around the game you love in some shape or form!

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  3. I think, for most people who follow and admire you, we only want to see you recover. Hopefuly soon. You are a great smash player, you prove it on Pound and many other tournaments. We want you playing smash, but we also want you to live well, to be healthy and don't ruin your life. I really hope you get better. Please take care of yourself

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  4. I think, for most people who follow and admire you, we only want to see you recover. Hopefuly soon. You are a great smash player, you prove it on Pound and many other tournaments. We want you playing smash, but we also want you to live well, to be healthy and don't ruin your life. I really hope you get better. Please take care of yourself

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  5. This makes me so sad HAX... Beyond belief... I am just sad you didn't tell us about this sooner. We are your fans. We love you no matter what. The standing ovation at pound proved that. Just stay in the scene. Your personality is too good man. Just don't disappear on us.

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  6. I hope everything goes well, but as you said, health comes first. Good luck!

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  7. I enjoyed watching you play throughout the years, You are one of the best.i hope you have a fast recovery and even if you have to quit smash i hope you can get your hands back to normal 100%. Best wishes get well soon

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  8. I think it's best for you to become a teacher.

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  9. can you go and just commentate?

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  10. can you go and just commentate?

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  11. dont be a m2k. do your shit man, see a doctor if you need to.

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    Replies
    1. It's more than that. His left hand is actually fucked up.

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    2. Did you not read this blog post? He's seen at least TEN different hand surgeons..

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  12. Hax, if it doesn't work, then you shouldn't do it. It's not worth it to go through ridiculous pain every time you compete, your well-being is more important. If your hands can recover, okay. If they don't, then maybe you shouldn't play this game anymore. You have been a legend in the Melee community and have achieved great things, but you shouldn't ruin your body for the entertainment of others. I know you want to play the game but maybe it's just too dangerous. You surely will want to use your hands for other things in your life too.

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  13. Love and respect to Hax; a goddamn legend, and the first person at this skill level to have this type of hand injury. While I'm sad to see you out of the Summit, I'm very happy that you're being proactive about healing yourself. Wishing you nothing but health and wellness in the months to come, and good luck on the ultrasound.

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  14. Hax, this is KishPrime. So sorry to read this, and I am extremely sad for you. I've loved following your career from the first time we played at Nintendo World, when I knew you could be a special player, and you have indeed been a spectacular player and influencer when it came to pushing the game to its limits. You did nothing wrong in pursuing this with the belief that you had the potential to perform.

    I really hope that you are able to eventually find the problem and how to fix it, but life doesn't always work that way, and if it doesn't heal then I truly hope you are just as successful in whatever else you pursue. Good luck!!!

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  15. I fucking love you hax, take care of yourself man.

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  16. potentially incredibly stupid idea incoming (lol):
    if you had a modded gamecube controller that had an a fightstick-like attachment, could you play melee by moving your entire arm (and thus lower the stress on your fingers / wrist)? is this an avenue worth pursuing?

    equally (if not more) stupid idea: have you considered using other limbs to play (like Broly the tongueduder marth player or even using your feet or designing a controller to play with only your right hand)?

    potentially less stupid idea: how feasible is it to main jiggs with a broken hand?

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  17. Oh, Hax, I weep for you. I am so, so sorry you are going through this. How unbelievably frustrating and emotionally exhausting. You have so much passion for Smash and are such a talented player; you must be grieving the loss of your hands!!

    Regarding the inability to attend Summitt and feeling guilty about receiving votes - I understand where you are coming from. I accepted a full-time job at 2,350 hours a year thinking I could manage after my carpal tunnel release surgery. It turns out, my hand issues persist and I put my employer in a terrible position because I couldn't keep up. The partner and managers' personal lived were affected because *I* couldn't work long hours. I felt terribly guilty, but these people have forgiven me and in fact never blamed me. They respect my interest in being optimistic; I bet the smash community continues to respect you.

    Hax, Achilles and I will pray fervently for you. Do your best to stay positive and feel confident about putting your health first!! Hands are the extremities that distinguish us from primates - they are so important!! Let us know how your ultrasound goes. Thinking of you!!

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  18. Oh, Hax, I weep for you. I am so, so sorry you are going through this. How unbelievably frustrating and emotionally exhausting. You have so much passion for Smash and are such a talented player; you must be grieving the loss of your hands!!

    Regarding the inability to attend Summitt and feeling guilty about receiving votes - I understand where you are coming from. I accepted a full-time job at 2,350 hours a year thinking I could manage after my carpal tunnel release surgery. It turns out, my hand issues persist and I put my employer in a terrible position because I couldn't keep up. The partner and managers' personal lived were affected because *I* couldn't work long hours. I felt terribly guilty, but these people have forgiven me and in fact never blamed me. They respect my interest in being optimistic; I bet the smash community continues to respect you.

    Hax, Achilles and I will pray fervently for you. Do your best to stay positive and feel confident about putting your health first!! Hands are the extremities that distinguish us from primates - they are so important!! Let us know how your ultrasound goes. Thinking of you!!

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  19. This just ruined my entire week.

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  20. I don't know anything, but could your hand problems be Skeletal fluorosis? get well soon m8

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  21. I'm a really new player and exceptionally bad at the game right now, and to be honest I don't like watching pros play (yet). However, watching videos of your gameplay is always good fun and I can see you're a great player. I hope you get better soon for your own sake, thanks for helping me get interested in the game.

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  22. I'm a really new player and exceptionally bad at the game right now, and to be honest I don't like watching pros play (yet). However, watching videos of your gameplay is always good fun and I can see you're a great player. I hope you get better soon for your own sake, thanks for helping me get interested in the game.

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  23. Hey, really sucks to hear that things aren't getting much better. I'm guessing they have but have any of your doctors/specialists look at anything nerve related? I had nerve issues but it was pinching so it was pretty obvious due to the numbness I would also get with the burning sometimes, hope you a speedy recovery.

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  24. Hax

    There is nothing to be sorry for. You are not greedy nor selfish when you put yourself first. What you have brought into this game can never be repaid, you have left your mark and nobody will ever forget it.

    Me, along with everyone else is hoping you come back. We will always be rooting for you till the year 20XX

    Much love

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  25. You've already mentioned that there's a possibility that you can't attend the summit, so you are by no way greedy or selfish. We're glad that you're prioritizing your health over summit, don't risk making things worse. Wishing you all the best.

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  27. You've already mentioned beforehand that you might not be able to attend, so you are by no way greedy or selfish for this action. We're glad you are prioritizing your health and recovery over the summit. And even if you completely retire, we hope your hand pains at least stop.
    Wishing you all the best.

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  28. You are too important to our community to risk your health over a tournament, and (I hope I speak for the community when I say this) we will not care that you won't be attending the summit if it means you are overcoming health concerns.
    You are hax fucking money. You are a god damn legend. I, no we look forward to you getting stronger and we will see you on the next stage my friend.

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  29. Hax,

    Sorry to hear about the hand. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

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  30. Hax, you have extreme internal rotation of the shoulders IMO. Look into it and increasing external rotation mobility. Shoulder and neck positioning is very much connected to the health of the arms and wrists.

    I wish you well and best luck.

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  31. The entire Smash Community is rooting for your recovery and well being man, and like you said, priorities come first and that is definitely top priority. Get well soon!

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  32. Hax,

    There is something called a Fecal Microbial Transplant that could help relieve your insomnia. You can read about it here, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3742951/
    Bacterial infection could explain something like insomnia starting out of apparently nowhere. I know it's gross but it's offering a solution to many people afflicted with severe conditions which western medicine doesn't yet understand.

    Best of luck

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  33. "Cease from looking for happiness and reality in a dream and you will wake up. You need not know all the 'why' and 'how', there is no end to questions. Abandon all desires, keep your mind silent and you shall discover." p.453 I AM THAT

    http://www.thecourse.org.uk/nmq.html#tia

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  34. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  35. Hey Hax$ vitamin C and MSM works well together in repairing tissues look into it, might take a couple of months to repair but it works ;-)

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  39. As a future CEO of a cybernetic and nanotechnology corporation, and a huge fan of your Pink Falcon, maybe someday I can simply gift you a new hand. I hope you recover. Plus I really don't want to have to choose a new Falcon favorite between S2J, Wizzy, Scar, and SilentSpectre

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